The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Nothing in this world can touch or affect the one who remains in the focused pure applied awareness of the Self, the Soul (shuddha upayogi).

I really wasn't sure if I wanted this guy knowing where I lived. After all, he was wielding a baseball bat, and I had just seen him strike several people with that bat.

You've got no chance of reaching the top if you're just playing for money.

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.

Scientists say the European space probe that landed on the comet has detected organic matter. This means there could be either life in space or a Whole Foods. We just don't know.

I think it's the people who have no doubt that every word they put down is gold that probably don't write very well.

The loss of India would mark and consummate the downfall of the British Empire. That great organism would pass at a stroke out of life into history.From such a catastrophe there could be no recovery.

My mother was the prettiest woman in the town. He was a bit older than her. They made me. And he split.

Normally when we go in and write the songs we write, we think about doing a cover, but never a covers record. That would be, for us, a concept. We don't want to have a concept!

The misery of man proceeds not from any single crush of overwhelming evil, but from small vexations continually repeated.