The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Creativity is a clashing of opposites.

Things you call wrong, describe your levels of acceptance and understanding..

Successful investing professionals are disciplined and consistent and they think a great deal about what they do and how they do it.

You won't ever be totally gotten by any human. That's part of the fun.

It's naive to think there is a woman in the world who isn't brought up to believe that they are waiting for their soul mate. You even see it in Disney.

Purge your mind of all aimless and idle thoughts, especially those that pry into the affairs of others or wish them ill.

Gratitude opens your heart, and opening your heart is a wonderful and easy way for God to slip in.

A little child in Ethiopia will die before this song is through.

I don't think you ever learn just one thing. At some point you start unlearning things. I have been working hard to unlearn everything I know.

Rules were made for fools to follow and wise men to be guided by.