The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. You're going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

I just want to do cool stuff.

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far."

I want to manufacture a feud.

If anything, there's more at stake when you're older, and more responsibility and more legitimate things to worry about.

I get all of my comedy from CNN.

I don't like gadgets for their own sake. I like gadgets that are tools. And I like simple gadgets that do one thing really well like a hammer.

I have to stay true to myself.

Most of the basic material a writer works with is acquired before the age of fifteen.

Yeah, I want to be liked, obviously. Everybody does.

My great day came and went, I do not know how. Because it did not pass through dawn when it came, nor through dusk when it went.

Marketing's job is never done. It's about perpetual motion. We must continue to innovate every day.

New Orleans has a real spirit. It's the most authentic of all American cities.

There's no one on the island telling them they're not good enough, so they just go ahead and sing and paint and write.

Freedom is not choosing; that is merely the move that we make when all is already lost. Freedom is knowing and understanding and respecting things quite other than ourselves.

An emperor in his nightcap will not meet with half the respect of an emperor with a crown.

how can you love a little cat so much in such a short short time?

Would a watermelon in the midst of a chase sequence not be, in its own organic way, emblematic of our entire misunderstood enterprise? At once totally logical and perfectly irrational?