The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

I must lose myself in action, lest I wither in despair.

Life without faith in something is too narrow a space in which to live.

Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking.

I don't think it's that hard [to lead a Christian life]. To me it's fun. We have joy and happiness.

Untruth being unacceptable to the mind of man, there is no other defence left for absurdity but obscurity.

The treasury could fill old bottles with banknotes and bury them..and leave it to private enterprises on well-tried principles of laissez-faire to dig the notes up again.

The death penalty can be tolerated only by extreme statist reactionaries who demand a state that is so powerful that it has the right to kill.

But no one walks out of his family without reprisals: a family is too disciplined an army to offer compassion to its deserters.

Self-confidence is either a petty pride in our own narrowness, or a realization of our duty and privilege as one of God's children.

It's amazing how lucky Westlife were and what we achieved. It's very rare to have seven number ones in a row. Ridiculous in fact.