Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

That's the thing about love, you have to get lost to find someone you can trust.

You will go with me everywhere. When I'm dreaming, you still share my lonely nights.

I was the little guy who knew how to tie a necktie. It came from having absentee parents. They were tremendously loving and caring people who, by circumstance, had to go to work.

We will become mightier and more powerful in our own right in direct proportion to the service and contribution we make to strengthen the Church.

Tall oaks branch charmed by the earnest stars Dream and so dream all night without a stir.

I just turned 50. 50's like the new 49 and nothing better, let me tell you.

You can't just stick with one thing. You have to let your natural style come through, and paint what you naturally like to paint.

Anthropocentrism, regarding human kind as the very center and pinnacle of existence, is a disease of arrested development.

That's not to say Eddie's never done anything malicious. But he never grabbed power for power's sake. His position was gained only because he has that energy, and that's naturally where he ended up.

The more I know, the more I realise I don't know. And the more I realise I'll never truly understand.