Sometimes it's hard to face your own...life.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

You can’t give what you don’t have. To lead people in a better way, mingle with them in body. But in knowledge, be far ahead of them!

Men, you'll never be a good groom to your wife unless you're first a good bride to Jesus.

Danny: I’m a bit jealous, Sheila.Sheila: Are you, my dear? What on earth for?Danny: Well, because you’ve really lived, Sheila.Sheila: Of course I have, Daniel. What else is life for?

There are only two types of women - goddesses and doormats.

The itch is a mean, unconfessable, ridiculous malady; one can pity someone who is suffering ; someone who wants to scratch himself makes one laugh.

I grasped two things: I wasn't as happy as I could be, and my life wasnt going to change unless I made it change.

Any form of a winning record in the conference is an accomplishment.

We are made for the same home and power that raised Christ from the dead.

Sometimes when you walk onto a set, there are very clear delineations. The crew don't talk to the actors and I hate all that. Everyone is the same to me and I always treat everyone in the same way.

Great execution towards a terrible idea will get you nowhere.