Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How's that for a religion ?

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.

There are only two things to remember. Number one...Don't Stop, and number two...Keep Going!

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.

Power will be maintained by the groovy guy or gal who gets the most media coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various businesses will do okay, too.

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

Republican is fine, if your a millionaire. Democrats is fair, if all you own is what you wear. Neither of them's really right, cause neither of them care.

It gets harder the more you know. Because the more you find out the uglier everything seems.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

Don’t cry for them to be happy.

I'm a total control freak and love to participate in the design of every single aspect of life.

Personal inspection at zero altitude. The stories come from my life - if not my own experiences, then about topics and subjects that interest me.

People tell me to smile, I tell them the lack of emotion on my face doesn't mean I'm unhappy.

I think Sarah Michelle Gellar has done some brilliant work as Buffy.

Donald Trump is never going to be the nominee. So, I'm not worried about a hypothetical that's never going to happen.

Tune into my new lifetime movie. 'Dislocated shoulder' airing right now.

People only give value to a thing if they have, at some point, been uncertain as to whether or not they'll get it.

I'm looking forward to seeing some sexy football.

The world isn't as bad as you think.