Rick Steiner is so stupid, it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

I got this bad allergy - I'm allergic to bullshit.

The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is.

Rick Steiner is so stupid, he once stayed up all night to study for a urine test.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Vince Russo has been there in which case the grass is most likely dead.

Vince Russo destroyed the Periodic Table as he only recognises the element of surprise.

I heard last year at [insert name]'s birthday party they had to set up mirrors to make it look like a crowd.

Hulk Hogan, you may be a household word, but so is garbage, and it stinks when it gets old too.

Ladies & Gentelman, the man who tought William Kennedy Smith everything he knows about dating, Sweet Stan Lane!

I like to take advantage of the simple-minded because I can.

Eventually, even a blind squirell will find an acorn.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.

Integrity is the most valuable and respected quality of leadership. Always keep your word.

Defense can't guard two things in a row.

Tell me that I misunderstood a joke, but don't tell me that my choice of cravat is wrong.

A serious illness or a death advertises the doctor exactly as a hanging advertises the barrister who defended the person hanged.

The odds against an adoptee ending up as the child of the President of the United States are staggering. But then, so are the odds against a movie star becoming president

I don't consider myself no attractive man. People like Tom Jones and Elvis Presley - I'm not nothing like that.

Visit your soul; don't visit your past.

He is dead, she thought bitterly, because we have forgotten him.

I love all kinds of movies. I'd especially like to make some, you know, violent crime drama.