The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is.

I got this bad allergy - I'm allergic to bullshit.

Rick Steiner is so stupid, he once stayed up all night to study for a urine test.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Vince Russo has been there in which case the grass is most likely dead.

Rick Steiner is so stupid, it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

Vince Russo destroyed the Periodic Table as he only recognises the element of surprise.

I heard last year at [insert name]'s birthday party they had to set up mirrors to make it look like a crowd.

Hulk Hogan, you may be a household word, but so is garbage, and it stinks when it gets old too.

Ladies & Gentelman, the man who tought William Kennedy Smith everything he knows about dating, Sweet Stan Lane!

I like to take advantage of the simple-minded because I can.

Eventually, even a blind squirell will find an acorn.

I’m going to tell you something that will make you very happy: your god is the one true god. Just remember, I am telling this to everyone… and I mean it.

If only the Geologists would let me alone, I could do very well, but those dreadful Hammers! I hear the clink of them at the end of every cadence of the Bible verses

We are all born to fly. Instead, we sit on the branches afraid of the leap into the unknown. But the unknown is where enlightenment lives. Our true nature is the unknown.

[As a very young man, I thought] of Europe as a place that could not exist except in the imagination, in glorious dreams, and through the careful lies of the silver screen.

He who loves lies suffers from no disease than lies! He who believes in and acts upon lies suffers from no disease than ignorance!

I plot my ascent daily.

You sense and feel something different than I do, even if we lick the same kitten.

I am not likely to die of bashfulness but neither am I prepared to be crucified to attest the perfection of my art. I dislike to hear of any stray heroics on the prowl for me.

London is like the tropical bush -- if you don't exercise constant care the jungle, in the shape of the slums, will break in.

Never cross a woman with a star on a stick, young lady. They've got a mean streak.