Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

My mom cooked the same food every day - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was enchiladas, it was - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was burritos, it was still - tortillas, beans and meat.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.

Despair was a heavy blackness that let no light in or out. It was a hell beyond expression.

Sometimes you can get more answers by not asking any questions.

Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.

All students can learn.

I always look back and say I should have made more. It should have been more lucrative, but it wasnt.

That's how we stay young these days: murder and suicide.

I found that a lot of people ridiculed contemporary art. I decided I wanted to be involved in art everybody could understand.

Be fond of the man who jests at his scars, if you like; but never believe he is being on the level with you.

She wondered what she thought of herself, and came to the realization that she felt mostly indifference towards her entire life.

Beautiful that war and all its deeds of carnage, must in time be utterly lost.