Priests were metal-reinforced overshoes. They saved your soles. This is an Assassin joke.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Thou driftest gently down the tides of sleep.

I always not only want push the envelope in my career but I also have an itch for going against the grain.

For males twenty-five is the fatal age. For women it's twenty. We are all dropping like flies.

I have not told the half of what I saw.

When you are making the one you are doing, you think it is the greatest film going. And then you do another one and it is a great film.

Every prison that men build Is built with bricks of shame, And bound with bars lest Christ should see How men their brothers maim.

To me, the acceptable level of fecal matter is... zero.

I'm always interested in are stories that challenge people.

There is not one redeeming feature in our superstition of Christianity. It has made one half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites.

I love creative people.