Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Unfortunately, we often have shallow relationships because we have paper towel friends. We use them up and then throw them away when we don't need them anymore.

If things go wrong, you don't have to accept you made a bum decision.

The only bad workout is the one that didn't happen.

None love to speak so much when the mood of speaking comes as they who are naturally taciturn.

Poverty and oysters always seem to go together.

My mother always said that everyone should be required to write an autobiography of their lives.

Care and responsibility are constituent elements of love, but without respect for and knowledge of the beloved person, love deteriorates into domination and possessiveness.

It's no fun to lose, ... We haven't lost in a while and now we get to remember what it feels like. Everybody wants to be undefeated and that's what we wanted. There are no excuses.

If you believe in truth and cared enough to obtain it, you had to be prepared actively to suffer for it.

Work is my norm. I have mad energy, insane energy, a kind of stamina in terms of work that's a little crazy.