People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or the joy that I get out of seeing kids realize there is hope.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.

I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.

If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.

I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.

Follow the dreams of others and you will receive a paycheck. Follow your own dreams and you will never check your pay.

On every journey, we experience different cultures and diversity of thoughts.

Enough regret can crush any man, living or dead.

Men are more often bribed by their loyalties and ambitions than by money.

Me and Miz are one and the same. I share some of the qualities he has and I need to learn some things from him, but there's absolutely no jealousy here between the two of us.

The NRA, with the fingers on the triggers when they kneel and pray.

Probability but no truth, facility but no freedom--it is owing to these two fruits that the tree of knowledge cannot be confused with the tree of life.

The media treats fear like a one-night stand. They jump on it and then they leave the next day and they forget - remember the Alar Scare? Things - see, nobody even remembers Alar.

I think it's a trial balloon to see what happens, and I'm not impressed with it.

Men should stop treating feminists like ladies, and instead treat them like the men they say they want to be.