Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.

The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out.

If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage.... No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.

On Furnishing One's Home - Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it.

Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes.

I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.

Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane.

Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry.

You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.

I was an angst-y journal writing kid.

No one knows your truth but you. If you're secure in yourself, no one and no(thing) can touch you.

What we touch with our fingers is false. What we feel through our perceptions is real. What we see through our eyes is an illusion, but what we see through our heart is real.

The Art of Being: A state of wholeness in which the mind functions freely and easily, without the sensation of a second mind or ego standing over it with a club.

No man can change himself into anything from sheer reason; he can only change into what he potentially is.

Living in the present moment creates the experience of eternity.

Men are qualified for civil liberty in exact proportion to their disposition to put moral chains upon their own appetites.

Government is the exercise of all the great qualities of the human mind.

We could go work on curing cancer. We could go work on building spaceships. We could go work on art projects. What's fun about working at Asana is we get to work on all of them at the same time.

We are storytelling animals, and cannot bear to acknowledge the ordinariness of our daily lives.

If we can't get more John Rovnaks in this world, let's all support the John Rovnak we've got.