Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.

My whole career strategy has been to build a base so that I could take the roles I want to play. I'd hate to think that a shorter part might not be available because I was worried about my billing.

I'm Irish. I think about death all the time.

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world.

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.

The minute that you're not learning I believe you're dead.

Human beings are always going to find interesting ways of making a mess of their lives. It's human nature.

I don't think many people have a very good understanding of leisure and the importance it plays in our lives.

Men dominate because of physicality, and thus they have mercy where women do not.

Find someone who loves you enough to forgive you for all of your mistakes.

The more you try to crush your nature, the more it will control you. Be what you are. No one who really loves you will stop.

The meaning of life is to die living it.

A woman never thoroughly cares for herlover until he has ceased to care for her

At the end of the day let there be no regrets, only a desire to do more tomorrow than you did today.

The ultimate defining fact for all of us is that we are children of Heavenly Parents, born on this earth for a purpose, and born with a divine destiny.

But I've never been really rebellious. I've got a lot of support and I'm not pushed so hard that I feel like I'm going to burn out, which is what happens to a lot of actors in their early twenties.

We're supposed to have guns. It says so in the Bible; and the second greatest book ever written, the Texas State Constitution.

My parents were pretty liberal, but they were still parents. I definitely had my teenage rebellion.

My smile wavers as I revert to my natural state of being: nervous and weird.