Noah's wife, who said to Noah, Don't let the elephants watch the rabbits. Never got a dinner!

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

If you can get others to believe that your random guesses are actual answers, they’ll never guess that you never understood the question in the first place.

To get something different, you must do something different.

The only thing that affects your destiny is the thought you are thinking at the moment.

I've supported myself by writing since 1992, and I'm probably very nearly unemployable by now because employers are likely to be put off by the long gap.

Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive.

In serving his vision of the truth, the artist best serves his nation.

I will undertake to prove that the present corn laws have been detrimental to the public, without being beneficial to the agricultural interest.

I find that one must accept the people in such a way as they are.

We must forgive our enemies. I can truly say that not a day has passed since the war began that I have not prayed for them.

The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, 'I was wrong'.