No matter what your race, creed or sexual preference, there is a word that people use to describe you that is very nasty. It's what we all have in common. That, and masturbation.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

I don't buy 'regret' idea. I need life's good lesson.

She'd abandoned the animal she loved as she herself had been abandoned repeatedly in the past by people who had claimed to love her.

Great fortune and peace of mind seldom live together.

It's never too late-in fiction or in life-to revise.

In order to succeed spectacularly you have to be willing to fail spectacularly.

Race prejudice is a gift of nature, intended to preserve in purity the various divisions of mankind which the ages have evolved.

We are awakening to that marvelous truth, that Christ is not in the heavens only, nor the atmosphere only, but Christ is in you.

As a culture, we turn away from people just when they are in times of change. That's when most communities used to embrace people, so the individual and the culture both benefited.

Don't let your character change color with your environment. Find out who you are and let it stay it's true color.

You act at being a man, and before you know it, you are one.