Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black moustache.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

The secret of winning any prize is knowing that your own treasure and potential is equal to it... and worthy of it.

Grandmother was like an opal. You could never be sure which colors were really there and which were just tricks of the light.

I've never really separated out the spiritual and the secular.

The blackest of fluid is used as an agent to enlighten the world.

Retailing has gone from an information-scarce to an information-rich environment.

I spent lots of time reading the encyclopedia and really kind of an eclectic approach to learning things - not very structured.

Don't read my diary when I'm gone.

If my stories can touch you, make you laugh, forget unhappy things, or even give you that 'good job' feeling, then I'll be super, super happy!

Everyone goes through adversity in life, but what matters is how you learn from it.

The only way around is through.