My style is colloquial storytelling. It's the way we tell stories to one another - it's not writerly, it's not overdone.

Good memories are like charms...Each is special. You collect them, one by one, until one day you look back and discover they make a long, colorful bracelet.

Your mind creates your reality. If you expect nothing, you open up the universe to give you options. If you expect the worst, you usually get it.

A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night

Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

Oh great. Yoda captured us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

They call me, The Sharkalator

At that moment I had no mind to change, or not change, or throw against the nearest wall.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.

Injustice is relatively easy to bear what stings is justice.

The crucial ingredient in the success of any brand is its claim to authenticity.

The difference between being an actor and a director is simple. The director has to hide his panic; the actor doesn't.

You have to cherish things in a different way when you know the clock is ticking, you are under pressure.

The truth, it is felt, becomes untruth when your enemy utters it.

Life is a puzzle. Every piece fits together to create who we are, what we do, how we feel. Every experience shapes us into who we will eventually become.

But it is impossible to enjoy a tennis game, a book, or a conversation unless attention is fully concentrated on the activity.

Wounds to the pride are remembered long after wounds to the flesh.

I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'

Ideology today is unfreedom which you sincerely personally experience as freedom.