My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.

Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both ... different. In spelling.

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

Let us be like the moon with love and beauty.Let us follow the night to love the tranquility and serenity.

One day you're going to remember me and how much i loved you...then you're gonna hate yourself for letting me go

Here is the paradox of Christian living. We must give up control of self to gain self control.

Certain punk bands were influential because I thought, If they can do that then I can .Hanging around those bands was how I started my first band - In Praise of Lemmings.

The Jets tried this whole garbage with Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez and it got them nowhere.

My idea is, I shine, you shine. If I'm doing well and you're with me, you do well.

There are some people who read too much: The bibliobibuli.

It's better to have a pocket full of regrets than to never have lived.

If you want to find your purpose in life, find your wound.