My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.

How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

Maybe I'm corny, but I'm a big believer in second chances.

It is funny how when you have been hurt in love and you fall in love again, every reason you have for loving that person is both enough and not, all at once.

I always had to genuinely like the actors I worked with and use my enthusiasm and vision to give them confidence to push their creativity and their humor.

If you want to become a great chef, you have to work with great chefs. And that's exactly what I did.

I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.

Style is luxury, and luxury is simply what makes you happy.

Partisanship must end at the waters edge.

I talk to my parents more than anybody in my family.

How many times can you say, "No yanking on one another's genitals?" Everything is hilarious until someone starts crying.

Global warming causing climate change may be the ultimate issue that unites us all.

When you're rapping, you do have to perform to a certain degree, but not every rapper is necessarily a gifted actor.