My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

It is very easy to love alone.

The greatest sin you could commit is immortality, because it means that you’ll eventually commit all else.

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

I'm over it. You strive to win a Super Bowl and you do everything you can to get there. But being in the Hall of Fame, you never play for that honor. It's incredible.

...it is a sneaking piece of cowardice for authors to put feigned names to their works, as if, like bastards of their brain, they were afraid to own them.

The ego always looks toward the next moment for some kind of fulfillment.

I only aim for fashion that's long dead.

I've got my one area I work in and I want to educate people about autism and I also want to improve, you know, animal handling and transport and make a real change out in the field on the ground.

It shouldn't matter what your sexual orientation is, you just need to be great at what you do. If you're an artist, be a great artist.