My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.

Every time you used, it was a risk searching for a high just like the first time, a high you would never find again.

To write is to transform that inward gaze into words, to study the worlds into which we pass when we retire into ourselves, and to do so with patience, obstinacy, and joy.

Business is likeoil. It won't mix with anything but business.

My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.

When joy and prayer are married, their first born child is gratitude.

Caffeine restricts blood flow to the brain.

Rich relationships lead to much more than money. They lead to success, fulfillment, and wealth.

Hydraulic fracking is very much a necessary part of the future of natural gas.

The most radical act anyone can commit is to be happy.

If you can't think of what to write, tough luck; write anyway. If you can think of lots more when you've finished the three pages, don't write it; it'll be that much easier to get going next day.