Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'

I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.

You are in love when you feel and see. Mind is dancing on a flower like a bee.

Her simplicity fathomed what clever people falsified.

The stupid neither forgive nor forget the naive forgive and forget the wise forgive but do not forget.

The Creator made Italy with designs by Michelangelo.

The United States is proud to be the first country to recognize the existence of a Jewish State - just 11 minutes after Israel's independence was declared.

I dared not trust the case on the presumption that the court knows everything. In fact, I argued it on the presumption that the court didn't know anything.

You can't change in your own power. If you feel overwhelmed by something bigger than you, let the one who is bigger than all things be the power you need in your weakness.

I think about Aaron Rodgers, he's like Chris Evans before he got the HGH injection in Captain America. But before he was super smart and was still witty and stuff. That's how I see Tom Brady.

With all due respect to Taylor Lautner and his 18-pack abs, my werewolf is going to be 100 times cooler!

Those who deny Auschwitz would be ready to remake it.