My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!"

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

A glory gilds the sacred page Majestic like the sun It gives a light to every age It gives but borrows none.

Gratitude, like faith, is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it grows.

The reason we want to go on and on is because we live in an impoverished present.

All the records of your past lives are contained within your own mind, just as the records of your ancestors are contained within your DNA.

I think it's better to attempt something and fail than it is to not even attempt it, so I'm glad that I've been prepared to put myself on the line there.

The Internet is the trailer park for the soul.

If you ask people in the US what logos they like and recognise, they'll name Target or Nike.

We can not run away from our youth. We have to put them in the lead

Denial of Russia in the name of humanity it is - robbing humanity

excessive fear and self-doubt that were the greatest detractors of personal genius.