My biggest pet peeve is when a girl says, "I'm not into drama." Why are you even mentioning it?! That's dramatic in itself!

I'm a dude, obviously, and when I'm not in a relationship, I don't do laundry until I want to. But if I live with a girl, you have to do it when she wants to or when we want to, which sucks.

Women, tend to talk more than men, and they do this thing where they say things that can easily be shown. Like, they don't need to do that.

Once I started doing stand-up, everything fell into place. That was when I started acting more; I felt like I'd found my place in the business.

If I have more than one life, I would definitely dedicate this one entirely to you.

When I go back and reread the stuff, I'm always floored by how deeply personal and revealing it actually is.

I don’t want to be on display like an animal in a zoo.

You have delighted us long enough.

Garp drank the beer and wondered if everything was an anticlimax.

I love when people in culture show up on fictional TV shows. I don't mind at all being a name from the '90s.

I think leadership's always been about two main things: imagination and courage.

Little changes and little choices add up to be revolutionary changes in your life.

I'm disappointed in people in general.

Today's smartest advertising style is tomorrow's corn.