Must be nice to be a Republican senator sometimes, because you get the fun of breaking sh*t and the joy of complaining the sh*t you just broke doesn't work.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Positive thinkers never allow fears to intimidate them because they have seen themselves succeeded already.

Some people smoked crack in alleyways. Franny ate chocolate. On the scale of things, it seemed entirely reasonable.

Why couldn't she have given him a sultry laugh as she'd seen women do in movies instead of giggling like some enchanted, mindless school girl?

She was always the first to love, first to encourage, first to forgive...for everyone but herself.

But when I see a story on welfare on television, they only show black people.

Everyone loves a slice of period-drama-pie, but I think the success of Upstairs Downstairs is really down to the wonderful format that Jean Marsh and Eileen Atkins created.

You'll never be successful until I don't have to give you a dime to do what you do.

Every time that I think of the crucifixion of Christ, I commit the sin of envy.

I think I'm a better comedic actress than I am a dramatic actress, but everybody believes I'm this dramatic actress and I'll take it.

People addicted to secrecy are so without knowing why; they are not so for cause, but for secrecy's sake.