Most of the comics that I talk to I've never talked to for more than ten minutes ever. So 95 percent of the time you're really hearing the first conversation between me and that guy on the podcast.

It seems people are more willing to let other people control their minds now and recreational drug use doesn't seem to have that same renegade sense of adventure that it once did.

I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

Maybe depression is the most reasonable response to all the crap around us. Maybe it's the happy people who need medication.

That’s the big challenge of life—to chisel disappointment into wisdom so people respect you and you don’t annoy your friends with your whining.

Buying my wife a gun sort of like me saying, ' You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise'.

You can't avoid pain in life. It's how you handle pain, that's what defines you.

In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.

Faith in the face of disappointment is only enhanced by laughter in the face of pain.

Our success or failure is not in the hands of our leaders. It is in our.

Love is not 'blind' but visionary: It sees into the very heart of its object And sees the 'real self' behind and in the midst Of the frailties and shortcomings of the person.

What I wanted to do was play the guitar but I don't like instrumental rock. I think it is tripe.

Tell Papa I admire him but from now on I plan to admire him from as far away as I can get.

I just sat all night looking at him, saying, 'Wow, it's incredible.' When Yoko woke up, I told her, 'He's fine,' and we cried.

People call me and ask me for advice all the time. On an elevator they tell me their problems. I think it's in part because I'm Italian so I'm emotionally available and I have a friendly persona.

My lifelong ambition has been to unite the utmost seriousness of question with the utmost lightness of form.

The constant refrain that bringing our troops home would demonstrate a lack of support for them must be one of the most amazing distortions ever foisted on the American public.

The working classes in every country only learn to fight in the course of their struggles.

If you dislike the answers you’re getting from life, try asking better questions.