Mockery when done without prejudice or discretion, can be a form of respect. It's the closest we'll ever come to true equality.

The world is your oyster... ...too bad you're allergic to shellfish.

Lying to other people is fine and usually funny, but lying to yourself is tacky.

If stealing a few saltshakers was wrong I didn't want to be right.

I hate bananas. I just hate them. But I also think a banana suit is the funniest fruit costume a person can wear.

Cowardice, when done correctly, can be its own kind of bravery.

It’s like someone who prays every night saying God’s a good listener. Just because you’re talking to us doesn’t mean we’re listening. With me and God, you never really know.

The abundant life should include all that life has freely given you – love, good health, success, prosperity, happiness, joy, spirituality, fulfilment, wisdom, purpose, growth and excitement.

If you can find your perfect job, create one.

To be a leader you need a lot of people dumb enough to follow.

I have a huge ego - I know that. Do I worry about it? No, I think it's cool. I have a lot of fun.

Life is too brief and too rich to tiptoe through half-heartedly, rather than galloping at it with whooping excitement and ambition.

I owe what is best in my own development to the impression made by Kant's works, the sacred writings of the Hindus, and Plato.

When I go to a restaurant, I eat three-quarters of the food in front of me. That cuts my calorie intake by 25 percent.

Generosity could be as contagious as the zombie plague as long as enough people were willing to be carriers.

Ex hoc momento pendet aeternites. (Eternity hangs from this moment.)

Regardless of one victory, two victories, four victories, there's never been a victory by a cancer survivor. That's a fact that hopefully I'll be remembered for.