It’s like someone who prays every night saying God’s a good listener. Just because you’re talking to us doesn’t mean we’re listening. With me and God, you never really know.

The world is your oyster... ...too bad you're allergic to shellfish.

Lying to other people is fine and usually funny, but lying to yourself is tacky.

If stealing a few saltshakers was wrong I didn't want to be right.

I hate bananas. I just hate them. But I also think a banana suit is the funniest fruit costume a person can wear.

Cowardice, when done correctly, can be its own kind of bravery.

Mockery when done without prejudice or discretion, can be a form of respect. It's the closest we'll ever come to true equality.

Get down, ' Bunty says grimly. 'Mummy's thinking.' (Although what Mummy's actually doing is wondering what it would be like if her entire family was wiped out and she could start again.)

Rapid movement was a relief in the midst of so much feeling.

Saying"I love you"is a major decision.

I can't feel Irish to save my soul, but it's a fact.

I'm not one of the people who have to be in public office.

The new experience that has replaced dignified suffering is artificially prolonged, opaque, depersonalized maintenance.

Many a good beginning makes a bad ending.

I like to have met someone in real life before being their Facebook friend.

Consistency is the DNA of mastery

My business is the analytical framework.