McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time...

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.

We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing!

You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.

Camelot is a silly place.

I'm having Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam and Spam!

Always look on the bright side of life.

We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!

Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.

Endure despite the pain. The key is grace of strength.

Experience gives meaning to knowledge.

He [Muffat] experienced a sense of pleasure mingled with remorse, the sort of pleasure peculiar to those Catholics whom the fear of hell spurs on to commit sin.

All through life I've harbored anger rather than expressed it at the moment.

My stepdad always said, "If you're going to believe the good, you're going to believe the bad." I think that's really important.

Why in hell can't the Army do it if the Marines can. They are the same kind of men; why can't they be like Marines.

Frequently parents forget that children are people. I don't try to treat Kristen as an adult, but I do try to treat her as a person, with a child's sensibilities.

I've always written at night - my working day for years was around 9pm to 2am - though I do keep more regular hours these days.

We saw The Man From La Mancha, and I remember there was a scene where the woman's skirt fell off, and I got embarrassed and excited at the same time.

The schoolmaster is termed, classically, Ludi Magister, because he deprives boys of their play.