Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

A fragrance is a veritable story, told and explained in scent, in notes, in impressions. It's a score based on the emotions of each instant, a captivating music of the senses.

I've changed my life in a lot of ways. I'm a mom, a wife, and a Christian. Some of the things I expressed in my early 20s aren't what I care to express right now.

What you can do is a matter of what you will do.

Dust does rise, doesn't it? And so can I.

If you don't have a positive attitude in business and in life, you will never, ever be successful.

When our life ceases to be inward and private, conversation degenerates into mere gossip.

I'm so lucky to be crazy happy in my life. And I think it's not so much that I'm happier now than ever; it's that I'm more content. I'm in the harbor of my life.

One of my favorite things about my job is getting to hang around with people who really know what they're talking about.

The first goal of writing is to have one's words read successfully.

Norman Mailer decocts matters of the first philosophical magnitude from an examination of his own ordure, and I am not talking about his books.