Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.

An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.

The people who are always hankering loudest for some golden yesteryear usually drive new cars.

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple of closets to most Americans, yet he manages not only to live there but also to grow trees and cockroaches right on the premises.

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.

Americans like fat books and thin women.

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems.

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

If you aren't willing to put your best work out there, write for yourself. Don't ever publish.

Things that are unsightly: birthmarks, infidelity, strangers in one's kitchen. Too much sunlight. Stitches. Missing teeth. Overlong guests.

I'm just saying I'm being myself, and people understand that.

Trying and getting hurt can't possibly be worse for you than being... stuck.

Out of the crooked timber of humanity, nothing completely straight was ever made

Football was never my life. The guys [and] the relationships were my life. I have an ability to relate to damn near everybody.

. The key to all of that is keeping hold of humility and keeping hold of the people around you, and making sure you stay grounded with your family and friends.

I have read your book and much like it.

I will fear no evil for I am the baddest beast in the land. (Nick)