Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

That is why I often find myself at such cross-purposes with the modern world: I have been a converted Pagan living among apostate Puritans.

Do not risk your life for someone who does not care about you.

Travel like a pro, not like a hobo. That's my motto.

God gives His gifts where He finds the vessel empty enough to receive them.

I didn't need to get married again. It's great to be in a situation in which you're happy. But, you know, I'm not tortured by love. I'm not tortured by chagrin d'amour. I'm old now.

Time - the one asset none of us are ever gonna get more of.

I used to wanna change the world. Now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity.

Feeling indisposed towards the evening, I drove up the ancient plains. The setting sun is unspeakably beautiful, Only it is approaching nightfall.

You only have one first chance to make one first impression that lasts a lifetime.

Why is it that what we do know can save us, but what we don't know can kill us?