It's the weirdest thing. When you go into acting, you expect to be a huge star and to be recognized. It did happen, but not in the way you expect it to. In L.A., I'm just another character actor.

The nice thing is that, at least in Los Angeles, I'm known as a character actor and I do auditions for other things besides just cartoon shows.

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

To many, Homer may appear lazy and a loser, but he's just much misguided. He's boorish, sure, but well meaning and, I guess, the one thing we have in common is the pursuit of lousy diets.

Even jellyfish have a life. So, what's your excuse?

Whoever suffers knows the strength of suffering.

Just because you spent 4 years studying a subject doesn't mean you have to suffer the rest of your 40 years doing the same.

History a distillation of rumor

Look not mournfully into the past it comes not back again. Wisely improve the present it is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future without fear and with a manly heart.

Monarchs ought to put to death the authors and instigators of war, as their sworn enemies and as dangers to their states.

When you are a rich man you are proud to own a Rolls Royce and when you are a poor man you are proud to own a Renault.

Punk rock and metal has always been a home to me, it's where I cut my teeth; and those are the friends that I have, and the bands that I love.

I never know why people come up to me. I think a lot of them just get super-excited because they recognize me from TV but they don't remember where.

Voters tell politicians what they want through the ballot box. Constantly second-guessing them by speculating whether the parties should gang up on each other misses the point.