It's a morbid observation, but if every one on earth just stopped breathing for an hour, the greenhouse effect would no longer be a problem.

If beer got any lighter you could raise goldfish in it.

Norman Rockwell, the Brueghel of the 20th century bourgeoisie, the Holbein of Jell-O ads and magazine covers; by common assent, the most American artist of all.

There are few overnight successes and many up-all-night successes.

Love of sports will always break your heart, but in doing so, it reminds us we have one.

I got turned down for a million jobs until I got my first movie with Francis [Ford Coppola].

Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said, 'Marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what's ruining this country.'

It's not a competency if you don't know the edge of it.

An old friend is a new house.

Why are stamps adorned with kings and presidents? That we may lick their hinder parts and thump their heads.

I got a pit bull from a shelter, so my whole life is centered on this dog, and I've been writing a lot of dog jokes. I should probably give up now, because I'm writing jokes about my dog.

If I die, what a beautiful death.

That's why my attitude, even on my larger-scale movies, is to make them cheap. The less these things cost, the better for everybody.