It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Keeping up with him would require running, and there is no dignity in running after any man for any reason, injured or not.

My loving sister Mary has always shared the pain and pleasure of my heartbeat in a unique and special way. We have sung our sad and warm songs together.

And this is the marvel of marvels; that he called me Beloved.

Make us eternal truths receive, And practice all that we believe: Give us thyself, that we may see The Father and the Son, by thee.

They wasn't gonna give you nothin'. I didn't care as long as they let me play my music. Cash on the spot... You cheat me and I'm gonna get me some money, too.

When I'm writing, I thoroughly enjoy it. It just goes on.

I did not come to Washington to be loved, and I have not been disappointed.

Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship.

We have to cover everything with the Lord himself, not a false sort of optimism, not by blinding our eyes to the evil, but by really seeing God in everything.

I like to be surprised. The best writing is when it defies me, when it starts going a different way than I had planned.