It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

Your dream is real

Cars for me are like a piece of art.

The great thing with unhappy times is to take them bit by bit, hour by hour, like an illness. It is seldom the present, the exact present, that is unbearable.

Even top caliber hospitals cannot escape medical mistakes that sometimes result in irreparable damage to patients

There's nothing man ever dreams of that God hasn't already thought of!

Unhappiness is selfish, grief is selfish. For whom are the tears?

Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?

I'm just excited about life. Life is really good right now with my family and friends, and being able to work with people I respect.

I think they've been baby bummers.

Decide on some imperfect Somebody and you will win, because the truest truism in politics is: You can't beat Somebody with Nobody.