In order to forgive reason for the evil it has wrought on the majority of men, we must imagine for ourselves what man would be without his reason. 'Tis a necessary evil.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.

The sunset glow of self-possession.

There are more people who wish to be loved than there are who are willing to love.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed.

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.

Pleasure can be supported by an illusion; but happiness rests upon truth.

Intelligent people make many mistakes because they cannot believe the world is really as foolish as it is.

Society is divided into two classes, the shearers and the shorn.

Knowledge is air to the wise.Wisdom is poison to a fool.

I have so many evil plans, I'm just trying to find the one which would be best right now!

In business courtesy and efficiency have a symbiotic relationship.

The whole night had been a mistake. It's not going to let me rewind. Or unmake the mistakes I've made.Or the promises I've mad. Or have her back. Or have me back.

Life is what happens to you while you're planning on doing something else.

You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can. I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am.

When I was 16 or 17, I saw Lenny Bruce being taken to jail. They took him off stage because he talked about race.

I'm an easy target because of my political opinions.

I was an old man when I was 12; and now I am an old man, AND IT'S SPLENDID!