In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed.

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.

Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

If you can't stand yourself, neither can anybody else!

The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.

A great NOW will be a great WAS! A bad NOW will always be a bad WAS, and all you can hope for is a Great GONNA BE!

If you have no tragedy, you have no comedy. Crying and laughing are the same emotion. If you laugh too hard, you cry. And vice versa.

Jazz is a beautiful woman whose older brother is a policeman.

People come up to me and they thank me: 'I thank you for the many, many hours of laughter.'

Every language has its own music.

see the whole stretched out universe twinkles in its little hopelessness and the soul needs insignificance just like our little stars do.

The mind is left bereft when it is nothing more than a tool of regurgitation.

Makeup is a way for a woman to look and feel like herself, only prettier and more confident

Dogs, for a reason that can only be described as divine, have the ability to forgive, let go of the past, and live each day joyously. It's something the rest of us strive for.

Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me!

Dualistic thinking is a sickness.

I'm sorry but I've been on my own a long time. I don't know what to talk when I bump into other people.

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

I'm Bill Clinton and I think you deserve a change. That's why I've offered a plan to get the economy moving again, starting with a middle-class tax cut.