In New York, f*** isn't even a word. It's a comma.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

It takes courage to become authentic. So many talk about the light but not enough speak the truth about the struggles it takes to get there and the tools to overcome it all.

How history negotiates its terms and collects its dues from those who break its laws.

Life is like a prison. To survive it is through self-healing and absolute dignity.

There is no such thing as perfect. But even if there was, I would pick you over perfection any day.

Everything is relative except relatives, and they are absolute.

The biggest difference between me and other artists out there is that they'll put anything out to sell a record or sell a ticket.

If you can put the question, 'Am I or am I not responsible for my acts?' then you are responsible.

Keep what you have got; the known evil is best. [Lat., Habeas ut nactus; nota mala res optima est.]

This awful catastrophe is not the end but the beginning. History does not end so. It is the way its chapters open.

To cultivate an English accent is already a departure away from what you are.