Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Your life should always come with hot fudge, whipped cream, and a cherry on top.

I am the East. I have philosophies, I have religions, who would exchange them for airplanes?

Please will you do my job for me.

A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.

One who has accumulated virtue will certainly also possess eloquence; but he who has eloquence doe not necessarily possess virtue.

So eager are our people to obliterate the present.

There is no name so sweet on earth, no name so sweet in heaven, The name, before His wondrous birth, to Christ the Savior given.

Kids will use their own system at the stage that they are, they're not (learning merely by) imitating you.

One of my great values that my father intuited, and indirectly taught me, is that you should always have a plan but be open to opportunity.

A successful artist is inspired by his muse, and his muse is inspired by the payment of a commission.