If you ain't first, you're last!

We all know the moon isn't made out of green cheese...but if it was made out of barbeque spare ribs would you eat it?

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more showman than deadly menace.

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

But mostly I just think I'am not the best person to demonstrate all the goodness humanity has to offer. I don't want you to be too disappointed when you realize that.

I loved Mississippi and do to this day. The rainbows that stretch from horizon to horizon after a summer rain are the most spectacular I have ever seen.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

If you're perpetuating discrimination, you're perpetuating inequality.

The next way home's the farthest way about.

Cultural tourism surveys consistently rate San Francisco's art industry as a core reason for visiting

Americans are ready to hate somebody -- and it's going to be the gun industry.

Absolute morality leads logically to absolute intolerance.

Fear is the politicians dance partner.

As a man gets older, if he knows what is good for him,, the women he likes are getting older too. The trouble is that most of them are married.