I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

We all know the moon isn't made out of green cheese...but if it was made out of barbeque spare ribs would you eat it?

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more showman than deadly menace.

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

Don’t get me wrong. I like dogs. I love them, in fact. It’s their human counterparts I could sometimes do without.

No, the best way to stop a vehicle is to shoot the driver. And that you can do with a number of weapons.

If I were to call it black music, that would be untrue. I don't know what that is, unless it would be some African drums or something.

You can be rich in spirit, kindness, love and all those things that you can't put a dollar sign on.

In the kingdome of a cheater the wallet is carried before.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

Civilization has developed executive powers far beyond its understanding.

Maybe no one can know how it is for anyone else.

No one in their right mind can say to me with a straight face that the Patriot Act has not aggregated the Fourth Amendment.

That's where I'd like to be: when the business says here's a good actor who is marketable so we can use him. Just that.