If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

More peoples getting satisfaction in wealth but real wealth is knowledge, knowledge is organized in books and books are available in the libraries.

This world is half the devil's and my own, Daft with the drug that's smoking in a girl and curling round the bud that forks her eye.

I often don't like seeing how different things are made. I'm not a big fan of behind the scenes stuff.

One of the things that make community colleges so special is they do not pick and choose their students - they work with all students.

I find I have, and a heart doesn’t suit me, Windermere. Somehow it doesn’t go with modern dress. It makes one look old.

I think we don't need to be talking about hyphenated Americans, because we are all Americans, and we all want the same thing.

Better a street-sweeper in Mexico than a filmmaker in Germany!

Eventually you realize that not all opposing viewpoints come from people who oppose you.

To create a new standard, you have to be up for that challenge and really enjoy it.

Without a global revolution in the sphere of human consciousness a more humane society will not emerge.