I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

It is impossible to discourage the real writers - they don't give a damn what you say, they're going to write.

Poverty is a dish best served with Potato Soup.

Use the losses and failures of the past as a reason for action, not inaction.

People are optimistic about the future.

Love thy neighbor, but pull not down thy hedge.

You were firing questions at me today, trying to get inside my head. You asked if I believe in God. I told you of course I do - I've always had a strong sense of self

One thing about me is I try to be honest.

Sailors, with their built in sense of order, service and discipline, should really be running the world.

I'm the national champion of Jamaica now, I go into the Olympics like this.

I cannot pretend to do sculpture and make a woman the ridiculous pedestal of my pretensions. To render clothing poetic, yes--but one must preserve its dignity as clothing.