I went to school for clothing and textiles and thought this is what I was going to do. Then I started working in costumes and literally said, 'I don't know if I can take the actors.'

As a teenager I went all Goth, but I wasn't mopey enough. I would pretend to be, but I'd end up making people laugh.

I've never felt like I needed to change. I've always thought, 'If you want somebody different, pick somebody else.'

There’s a greatness in not caring what people think

Hollywood wants to make women so perfect. Perfect hair. Perfect job. Perfect manners... I know some of the most beautiful women, and they are so weird. That's what makes them funny and captivating.

I watch HGTV like a maniac, and when it's bad, it's like some crazy college guy watching a football game.

I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems. You are your problem. You are also your solution.

You just have to say, 'It’s pretty damn good. I am right here at the moment and I’m OK with it. I've got other things to think about.'

Even when someone gets to looking like she should be so proud of herself, instead she's like, 'I could be another three pounds less; I could be a little taller and have bigger lips.'

It's like I'm managing to achieve all this success in spite of my affliction ... Would you ever put that in the headline for a male star?

I could eat healthier, I could drink less. I should be learning another language and working out more, but I'm just always saying, 'Ah, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.'

I am the perfect version of me.

There are other things to a woman than taking her to bed.

My whole philosophy is about playing dress-up.

People found it unusual to leave a job where you're the boss.

The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.

First there was racism. Then liberals created institutional racism and coded racism. You can only hear it with a dog whistle.

No one likes to work for free. To copy an artist's work and download it free is stealing. It's hard work writing and recording music, and it's morally wrong to steal it.

Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.

I've been in show business for 50, no, 60 years. I was approached in school to join a variety act.

The life of faith is not only totally different from, but also diametrically opposite to, a life of feeling.