I was the hallway clown in high school.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

The movie that changed my life, ' he liked to say, by which he meant that it had changed his wardrobe.

The superior Christian lets God strip him of everything that might serve as a false refuge, a secondary trust.

Obedience keeps the rules. Love knows when to break them.

I will continue modeling until they don't want me anymore basically because I do love it very much.

...at it's best fiction is medicine.

Just got off the phone with my health care provider asking them to explain why my premium jumped up. No good answer!

Pain and fear and hunger are effects of causes which can be foreseen and known: but sorrow is a debt which someone else makes for us.

You will come closer and closer to perfection, but you will never be perfect. Perfection is not the way of existence. Growth is the way.

The rain fell alike upon the just and upon the unjust, and for nothing was there a why and a wherefore.

We do not see what is “real,” we see what we are.