I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

We walk into the rest of our lives together, not knowing it'll end before it's truly started.

Self is that which dies...Spirit is that which lives...forever.

Resentment generates hate

To hope is to enjoy.

I am for police function that protects citizens of this great Nation, not a police function that is used to terrorize them.

It is necessary, in order to know things well, to know the particulars of them; and these, being infinite, make our knowledge eversuperficial and imperfect.

I know I can cook, but the place where I cook... it's a mess! I'm very disorganized.

Honey, I forgot to duck

For Christians do not place their hope in their children, but rather their children are a sign of their hope . . . that God has not abandoned this world.

Never sleep in a small tent with your nemesis.