I used humor as survival, as a weapon and as comfort.

If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.

Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

I loved New Jersey. I thought it was the greatest place in the world because on Halloween kids could start trick or treating right after school. Isn't that great?

People have always said since TV was invented what a cultural wasteland it is but I think it is the worst and the best. It is the golden age of television.

I think we are as screwed as a culture as we are saved as a culture.

I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.

Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.

I knew I wanted to be an actor. I just kept saying, "Until somebody tells me to stop, until I have to go get a real job, and until I'm practically homeless, I'm not gonna get one."

My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.

Life is short. Focus on what really matters most

Everyone has the abbility to hurt. It's the choice that matters.

We should not be afraid when praying to God to give expression to a definite desire even though we are in doubt at the time we are praying whether it is really the right thing to pray for or not.

Sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes it feels real good.

In the age of information, ignorance is a choice.

I don't know if I was the baddest. People kind of saw me in that light.

Nothing ever comes to an end. Wherever one has sunk roots that emanate from one's best or truest self, one will always find a home.

That hurt querida, that really hurt

People with a high tolerance for boredom can get a lot of thinking done.

Merit clears away obstacles.